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      Found 813 results

      1. Funnies 2

        For some reason I cant open the old "funnies" thread :( So I'm kicking of a new one....... A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously. 'Oh my GOD!' screamed the woman. 'That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?' The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, 'I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture.' Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay,' said the woman. As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, 'Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified? Again the doctor spoke very calmly: 'Same illness, better health plan. Jayson
      2. The message is part of a new Workplace Diversity Council campaign called #WordsAtWork, which aims to spark a conversation about how even seemingly innocuous language can exclude minority groups. Link to ABC story http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-06-01/words-you-should-avoid-using-about-women-in-the-workplace/7467848 Yes, I can relate to the above….I was once asked not to be patronising or sexist. I thought ok, fair enough… chicks can`t take it...
      3. Australian Fishing Scene (funny)

        Worth a good chuckle...
      4. can this be true?.... apparently he had been ill..... what is going on?... muso Legends are dropping like flies! http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/2016/01/20/rock-legend-animal-dies-aged-66/ January 20, 2016 TRIBUTES have been flooding in from all across the world following the death of Animal, the legendary drummer with rock outfit Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem. Fans of the supergroup were shocked to learn of the passing of the iconic percussionist, who passed away at just 66 following a short illness. Remaining band members Dr. Teeth, Janice, Zoot and Floyd Pepper took to the group’s Facebook fan page to announce the sad news earlier today. “We will never forget you, brother,” read the statement from the band. “You kept rocking ’til the very end. Be at peace now, and we’ll play again in that great muppet theatre in the sky”. Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem had been performing together for several years before their breakout performance on the Muppet Show in 1975. The band were invited to continue as resident artists for the show, but it was Animal’s trademark intensity that won him the hearts of fans all across the world. His popularity won him appearances in every Muppet movie released, with his last role in 2014’s Muppets: Most Wanted. “Although he had already been diagnosed with threadbaring syndrome, you would have never known he was sick,” said Fozzie Bear, speaking about the filming of M:MW. “I’d ask him if he was feeling alright, and he’d just say ‘ANIMAL!!! HAAAAH!!!!’. That was… that was just Animal, you know?” Other Muppets were quick to add their own tributes to their deceased colleague, with Miss Piggy stating that Animal was “a driving force in her life”, and the Swedish Chef adding that Animal always knew “how tee bork de bork”.
      5. Deja poo Vic Returns

        I have put this in humour as there is no other section appropriate for the bloke.... Just when we all thought it was safe to stay out of the water, this clown surfaces again. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3368592/Queensland-shark-hunter-Vic-Hislop-sells-frozen-great-white-shark-30-000.html
      6. james's mac

        So James (bersim) has been desperate to catch a fish on his home made lures and is a bit jealous I am the only person to catch fish on them so far. I didn't know he was desperate enough to create this!! Crack up. Your head looks a bit big James and you didn't tell me you upgraded your motor to 50hp? haha .
      7. More fishing fails...

        wasting more time on youtube....
      8. haha i was the first viewer!! don't think i've ever done that before on youtube...
      9. One For E`cat

        http://www.theroar.com.au/2015/10/14/exclusive-real-reasons-behind-martin-taupaus-requested-move-manly/ In another one of our patented faux-scoops, The Roar has gained unprecedented imaginary access to the Martin Taupau camp where the real reasons were unearthed as to why he’s attempting to GTFO of the Tigers ASAP. As speculated this week, the corn-rowed firebrand has requested an immediate release from his contract at Wests, with rumours rife that he’s already signed for 2017 with Manly but is looking to head north pronto anyway, because, you know, contracts just don’t bind like they used to. We can reveal the Kiwi international’s main motivation for fleeing the joint venture is because of their iron-fisted administration and epidemic political instability, and his desperation for change is so strong that he’s willing to work under the same conditions at the Sea Eagles. When queried on the move by The Roar, a source close to Taupau acknowledged the hit-machine’s intentions as like “trying to flee Beirut for North Korea†but conceded “the schnitties are better at Manly’s Leagues Club, and even better, Manly actually has a Leagues Clubâ€. Those close to Taupau say he is drawn to the security of knowing his place at the club would be guaranteed until at least Round 20, and if it isn’t, that he’ll be offered a contract extension in Round 12 before being told to look elsewhere two weeks later. In addition to this, the all-action Auckland product is mightily excited about the stability the club provides from top-to-bottom, mainly due to their massive raft of recent knee-jerk changes and because Bob Fulton said so. Taupau believes that the club’s decision to appoint an untested rookie coach to a hostile role left vacant by the ruthless sacking of a 27-year club legend is sure to make for a composed environment that provides the best chance for the team to make the finals, which is good because they fire coaches who don’t. The 25-year-old is also heavily encouraged by the state-of-the-art facilities on offer at Manly’s high-tech Narrabeen training base, however this facet of his decision was a no-contest considering the Tigers’ extensive collection of 1975 dumbbells. In fact, he was left breathless by the sight of a skipping rope and some old calves blood from 2007 when touring the facilities, and friends say this was the decisive moment when he decided he wanted to play his footy at the famous northern beaches club that’s approved by 50 per cent of Stewart Brothers. While privately Taupau is dead keen on negotiating the move swiftly, publicly he is keeping his powder dry as he is mindful of not turning the situation in to another trademark Tigers debacle that further stains their withered and almost lifeless brand. The wild-eyed big bopper is also at pains to ensure his request isn’t seen as further denigration to Jason Taylor’s coaching reputation. “This is nothing to do with JT,†a friend of Taupau’s said. “Bar his philosophies, methods and ability as a rugby league coach, Marty fully supports him. “This move to Manly is purely a lifestyle decision. As in, he hates his lifestyle at the Tigers.†Another source close to Taupau has made it clear that the last thing the New Zealand representative wants for the Tigers is another Robbie Farah-like circus, and that he’s prepared to wage a boardroom war to provoke a contract breach over workplace issues so there’s no comparison. “Marty has nothing against the Tigers board. Sure, the organisation has got its issues; Leichhardt Oval, Rozelle Leagues, Campbelltown, not paying his wages on time, the board. Besides that, he would bleed for the joint.†In response, a Wests Tigers board member declared that all contract negotiations for 2016 had been finalised and that Taupau was a required employee for next season. When questioned further, he acknowledged that the only terms under which the hit-up heathen would be released was if he was part of a package deal that somehow also freed them of Farah. The Tigers powerbroker then also denied that a swap deal had been discussed with Manly, and that at this point in the season the club would only discuss transfer deals exclusively with NFL franchises because “that’s what the kids are doing nowadaysâ€. Taupau’s camp replied by saying that while he had considered having a crack at American football, it was Manly or bust. While gridiron certainly appealed to the prime-time tackle-buster, he preferred to respect the sport’s respected customs by working his way on to an NFL roster via the game’s traditional pathways, that being through Parramatta and/or the AFL.
      10. How it Works

        One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. The following day, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. That afternoon a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
      11. More of this!

      12. Something useful from PETA

        Finally a use for PETA!
      13. Not really a joke because its so true. Cheers Ray
      14. sick sausauge.

        https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/k1bG2EPGmI0?autoplay=1&vq=hd720&rel=0&showinfo=0&start=82&end=321 Cheers ray
      15. Coke saves fishes life !

        http://www.ginkandgasoline.com/fly-fishing-tips-technique/sunday-classic-chug-a-coke-save-a-bleeding-fish/
      16. Knowledgeable Texan

        Two cattlemen from Texas were sitting in a diner, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, “That little gal is havin’ a bad time. I’m agonna go over there and help.†He ran over to the young lady, and gently held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked “Kin ya swaller?†Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked “Kin ya breathe?†she again shook her head no. With that, he yanked up her skirt, yanked down her pantys` and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, “Ya know, it’s sure amazin’ how that hind-lick maneuver always works.â€
      17. One for Angus

        Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding. "Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "Ai've got everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caars, the reception, the wee rings, the min'ster, even ma stag nite". Archie nods approvingly."I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy. "A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that. What's the tartan?...." "Och," says Jimmy, "Ai'd imagine she'll be in white.â€
      18. Boob Apron

        Warning: Some coarse language... But more laughs... />https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tieA5wfcgH4
      19. Johno

        http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NWcqLjVxK_k Lol
      20. Retired Man's Job

        Someone asked me, "and now that you are retired, do you still have a job?" I replied, "Yes I am my wife's sexual adviser." Somewhat shocked, they said "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?" "Very simple. My wife has told me that when she wants my effening advice, she'll ask me for it."
      21. Take care on the road Hahaha

        I was amused by this sign a few weeks back.