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Old People Moments Shared


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Old People

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get his

prostate and other parts checked out.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home

and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's

office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as

on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well,

doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but

nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothingâ€.

“Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right

hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her

mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out and

still nothingâ€.

“ We even called up Arleen, the lady next door,

and she tried, too, first with both hands, then an armpit

and she even tried squeezing' it between her knees, but

still nothing."

The doctor was shocked, "You asked your neighbor?!"

The old man replied, "Yep...

None of us could get the jar open!"

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the veranda at their retirement village, doing nothing.

One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get those feelings?"

The other replies, "Oh sure I do.

"The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"

The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruiseship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."

"But, Madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing.

The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.

The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."

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