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this brightened up my day. how to start a fight


madmullet

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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else

to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more

important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,

busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently

for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and

when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you

finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I

pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that

the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly

undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back,

now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is

terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid

husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how thefight started... :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for

Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify

my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and

come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That’s proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application..

When I got home, I told my wife about my experience at the Social

Security office...

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten

disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

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My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

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