dassa

lattest jokes this week THE MAGGOTS AND THE WOOD DUCKS GGGOOOONNNNNEEEEEEE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Well said Andrew straight to the point and I think like 99% of the people on the fourm would agree and like I'm sure at some stage in life we were all told IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

Try the tafe collages for that sort of thing as I know they did it many years ago but not sure if they would do it now.good luck I hope that helps some

cheers dassa

my mates from Zimbabwe and over the years he's sent me some absolute classics. found this one. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JPLZ3HFpYA&feature=related

LMAO

The Darwin Awards

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

*** Remember.... They walk among us!!!*** And They Breed !!!

thanks mate what a way to start my morning you can picture some of them happening

I would love to but I work a second job and it's every friday night SO if you could swing it to saturday night that would be fantastic then I would be in

I here there looking for a new sponsor for mundine.......on the soul's of his boot's

should get plenty of advertising. :evil: :evil:

hahahahaha thats a classic

Hey ellicat never had a dog with parvo before bring home the pup we got from a rescue shelter it just gives me the shit's when people don't look after animals(unless there cats)I would like to think he was a good dog poor little bugger never did anything wrong to anyone.

Sorry to here that ellicat we lost our 4year old cattle/lab in december to a bloody brown snake.Them got our selfelves a new 8 weekold pup in feburary and lost him in the same week to PARVO.The vet seems to think he had it before we got him now we can't have one for 2years because of the parvo.

I hope the little won turns out to be a champion for you mate.

dassa

To answer your question I don't think so I have heard of reports of cat fish coming out of monduran that were busting 50pound braid to they went to 80pound not sure if thats a porkie pie but this come from a locial I know up there my stepfather.

I remember seeing some years ago on the cover or moden fishing I think it was there was a lady sitting on the front of a tinny holding a cattie by the gills and it's tail was draging is tail on the ground now thats a cattie worth taking a photo of.I have eaten frsh water cat fish but I thing I wouldn't eat salties better fish in the salt

cheers dassa

P.S If I can find that photo in modern fishing I'll try and put it up

Just a quick tip nocx skin them sharp knife two sets of pliers cut them not deep around the back of the head and then just pull the skin away then it's easy to fillet

cheers dassa

Hey reef_raider that remids me of this,this is the fuuuunnnnist things I have ever read long but worth the read

cheers dassa

If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end.

Note: Please take time to read this slowly.

For those of you who have lived in Natal, you know how typical this is.

They actually have a Curry Cook-off about June/July. It takes up a major portion of a parking

lot at the Royal Show in PMB.

Judge #3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America.

Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a

Curry Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment

and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for

directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by

the other two judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all

that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the

tasting, so I accepted".

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CURRY # 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could

remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the

flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.

CHILLI #2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what

I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who

wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver! They had to rush in more beer

when they saw the look on my face.

CURRY # 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE" CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.

Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uranium pill. My nose feels like

I have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now.

Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my

backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pissed from all the beer.

CHILLI # 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or

other mild foods, not much of a curry.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable

to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid, was standing

behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting to look HOT...just like

this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chill i an aphrodisiac?

CHILLI # 5 LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding

considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the

chil li peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can

no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics.

The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain

damage.

Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher.

I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked

me to stop screaming. Screw them.

CHILLI # 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY...

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,

sulphuric flames. I am definitely going to shit myself if I fart and I'm

worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand

behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to

wipe my arse with a snow cone ice-cream.

CHILLI # 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE" CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers

at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage that I am worried about Judge # 3.

He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I

wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds

like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which

slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my

shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've

decided to stop breathing - it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting

any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch

hole in my stomach.

CHILLI # 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold

but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild

nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted,

passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself.

Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have

reacted to really hot curry?

Judge # 3 - No Report.

:laugh:

FAIR comment man,everybody should offer to pay there way as i HAVE offered a spot as it turned out I played football(AFL) PROPER football with him in bundy and hulk offered to pay with out asking SEE people thats how it's done.So gazza if you need a deckie I can pay my wayand live over the hill at RBP or I can recommend hulk (the little fat man)

Cheers Darren.

FORGOT TO MENTION THATS BLOODY UNAUSTRALIAN

FAIR comment man,everybody should offer to pay there way as i HAVE offered a spot as it turned out I played football(AFL) PROPER football :laugh: with him in bundy and hulk offered to pay with out asking SEE people thats how it's done.So gazza if you need a deckie I can pay my wayand live over the hill at RBP or I can recommend hulk (the little fat man)

Cheers Darren.