Bommie

We'd have to see a shot from behind him to answer that

jealousy is a curse

poor tree

An old man rocking on his porch sees a young kid and his fishing pole walking down the dirt road. "Where you goin' with that pole?" he calls. "Gonna git me some fish with this here fishing pole!" answers the kid. Sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with a bucket of fish. Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some duct tape. "Where you goin' with that?" he calls. "Gonna git me some ducks with this here tape!" answers the kid. "You can't git no ducks with tape!" hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the tape strung out behind him and ducks stuck all over it! Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some chicken wire. "Where you going with that?" he calls. "Gonna get me some chickens with this wire!" answers the kid. "You can't get no chickens with wire!" hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the wire strung out behind him and chickens stuck all through it! Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some pussy willows. "Now hold on just a minute" calls the old man, "wait while I get my hat!!"

"I want to be the first man in history to win every title going down from 168 pounds to 154 pounds and hopefully we can get that fight for the junior-middleweight belt,"

You should be able to download the workshop manual of the net, sometimes it might take a little bit of looking

keeping with the bear theme

A Solicitor parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off. More than a little distraught, the Solicitor grabs his mobile and calls the police. Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: 'My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters, it'll simply never be the same again!' After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust. 'I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Solicitors are,' he says. 'You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life.' 'How can you say such a thing at a time like this?' sobs the Porsche owner. The policeman replies: 'Didn't you realise that your arm was torn off when the truck hit you?' The Solicitor looks down in horror. 'F#*#ING HELL!' he screams... 'Where's my Rolex????

How do you make a bunch of old ladies say "F*CK!"? Shout "BINGO!".

What do you get when you cross PMS with a GPS? A bitch who will track you down.

I sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said... don't do it man ... you will never hear the end of it

surely he's got to be a set up like Russell Coight,,,,,

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.