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fishingnut

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Posts posted by fishingnut

  1. Funnies 2

    in Humour

    Posted

    A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

    Three women, from England , Wales , and Scotland , were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

    The English woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on.

    The welsh woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

    The Scottish woman came to him and said, 'ave ya ever been fooked laddie?'

    The man broke into a big smile and said, no.

    She said, 'Aye - Ya will be when the tide comes in.'

  2. Funnies 2

    in Humour

    Posted

    A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

    She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

    Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

    She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

    He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

    For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

    Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

    One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.

    Two o'clock and no hired hand.

    Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

    She quietly called him over to her..

    "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

    Trembling, he did as she directed.

    "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly..

    "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

    "Now remove my skirt."

    He slowly unbuttoned it.....constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

    "Now take off my bra.."

    Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

    Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!!"

  4. Funnies 2

    in Humour

    Posted

    Only a Farm Kid...

    When you're from the country, your perception is a little bit different.

    A farmer drove to a neighbour's farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.

    "Is your dad or mum home?" said the farmer.

    "No, they went to town."

    "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

    "No, he went with Mum and Dad."

    The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.

    "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."

    "Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant".

    The boy thought for a moment...

    "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

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