Badly Packed Kebab

[MoparKevUk]

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless knickers in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the lounge opposite her husband. At strategic moments she crosses her legs ……. Enough times till her husband says……. â€Are you wearing crotchless knickers?â€

“Y-e-S,†she answers with a seductive smile.

“Thank Christ for that……. I thought the stuffing was coming out of the lounge.â€

[Old Scaley]

I sent this to a Brazilian mate of mine and he didn't get it

[stingray]

:laugh: nice one

[fishguru5]

quality

[Master Sardines]

thats an oldie but a good one.... :laugh:

here another one in good taste

A Hooker in Las Vegas

A guy is walking the strip in Las Vegas and a fantastic-looking Vegas hooker catches his eye.

He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker,

"How much do you charge?"

The Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."

The guy says,"$500 dollars! For a hand-job!

Holy crap! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"

The hooker says, "Do you see that block of townhouses on the corner?"

"Yes."

"Do you see that block of townhouses about a block further down?"

"Yes."

"And beyond that, do you see that third block of townhouses?"

"Yes."

"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those.

And I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."

So the guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try."

They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he has just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.

He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"

The hooker replies, "$1,500."

"I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"

The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy.

Do you see that casino just across the street?

I own that casino outright.

And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."

The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so and says, "Sign me up."

Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before.

He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth.

He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.

He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?"

The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you something.

Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us:

All those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and shows?"

"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"

"No," the hooker replies, "but I would... if I had a pussy." :laugh:

[dhess]

Hahaha love it!