A few of my favs

[Rapunzel]

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling

Back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,

"Can I help you Sir?"

...

"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies.

The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

‎"It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging

Out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without

Missing a beat, blurts out....

"Holy sh*t! My girlfriend's gone, too!!

The Pope goes to a motel for the night and upon arriving he asks the concierge if the porn channel in his room is disabled... to which the concierge replies ..NO you sick bastard they are all normal..

‎A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at

him.

She says "Hello!".

He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, 'Do you know me?'

To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful

to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that

I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your

partner whipped m...y butt with wet celery?'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the KOALA CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: “Too many KOALAS are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.â€

A blonde calls QANTAS Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll

take to fly from SYDNEY to PERTH?'

The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'

'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my

Intelligence come from?'

The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother,

cause I still have mine

[madmullet]

the fisrst one is the bomb .......... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[fisherjack1394]

lol that lifted my spirits for the day. thanks

[Guest]

Hahahahahahah that made my day thats so funny :lol: :lol:

Thankyou