One liners

[Brian D]

My work mates said I am immature when I told em this one. What's your call?

Have you got any better 1 liners?

Question: Have you heard about the Irish toilet paper roll?

Answer: The 1st 100 sheets are instructions.:woohoo: :sick:

Well I thought it funny!

[johnsonMAN]

What do you call a guy with his hand up a camels ass?

An Afghani mechanic.

Sorry if anybody is offended

[Dan23]

What's a good name for a lesbian restaurant?

Eat Out:P

[johnsonMAN]

Bahahahahahaha thats a classic Dan.

LMAO

[STU]

Dan23 wrote:

What's a good name for a lesbian restaurant?

Eat Out:P

Good one dan:lol:

[chubbstar]

Lickety split?

sorry to offend but it is \"a dog eat dog world\"

[Oceandonkey]

how dirty dou want this thread to get???? cos i can go low, realllllly low hehe

[Brian D]

Keep them clean please

If you got any real funny one that are too hot just send a PM.

I like the camel one myself - :laugh: flippin funny:laugh: :laugh:

[Oceandonkey]

I can go pretty lame though.

Whats big and white and if it falls out a tree can kill you....a fridge.

Whats big and yellow and doesnt float??? a tractor

truck driver wedges himself on an enclosed bridge, the cop turns up and says \"get stuck?\" the truckie replies nah mate i was delivering this bridge and ran out of fuel

[johnsonMAN]

LOL DONKEY lets see how low u can go hey....

[bootyinblue]

Passing the speeding ticket through the window, the felame driver blurts out 'But I didnt think you gave attractive girls tickets?'

'Your right we dont, now you have 28 days to pay and drive safely'

Boom Boom..

[polyphonic]

Q. How do you tell an Irish firing squad?

A. They stand in a circle.

Q. What’s small, red and can’t turn around in hallways?

A. A baby with a javelin through it’ head.:pinch:

Bad I know

[kriso]

what did two saggy breasts say to each other? We better get some support around here or people will think where nuts!

booya!

[Feral]

bootyinblue wrote:

Passing the speeding ticket through the window, the felame driver blurts out 'But I didnt think you gave attractive girls tickets?'

'Your right we dont, now you have 28 days to pay and drive safely'

Boom Boom..

That is the best joke I've heard in ages Booty!

[Dinodadog]

My wife reckons the only reason I fish is because it would be the only time I would have a chance of someone yelling \"WOW THAT IS A BIG ONE\"

[Dazzamcgee]

Q. How do you know when ya girlfriend is on steroids?

A. PM for the answer

[Brian D]

Good stuff guys, very funny.

I especially like the boobie to nuts :laugh:

Thought the speeding ticket was pretty good:woohoo:

Poly - you are sick, imagine allowing that kid to mess up the hallway.

But Dino I don't know what you mean cause I can't even catch a legal size fish and I won't discuss the other bits.:blush:

Post edited by: Brian D, at: 2007/07/09 20:55

[kriso]

y do they call a pap smear a pap smear?

second thought better pm me for that one!

Post edited by: kriso, at: 2007/07/09 21:59

[dhess]

All right you guys asked for it.

Q. If gay men come out of the closet where do lesbians come from?

A. The liquor cabinet.

Q. Whats the opposite of Christopher Reed?

A. Christopher Walken.

Q. Why do they call camels ships of the desert?

A. Because they are full of arab seamen.

Q. Did you hear that the Pakistani cricket team are giving up cricket?

A. They are taking up bob sleighing.

Q. What do paparazzi eat for dinner?

A. Steak Dianne.

Enough from me.:evil:

[bootyinblue]

Feral wrote:

bootyinblue wrote:

Passing the speeding ticket through the window, the felame driver blurts out 'But I didnt think you gave attractive girls tickets?'

'Your right we dont, now you have 28 days to pay and drive safely'

Boom Boom..

That is the best joke I've heard in ages Booty!

Would you expect anything different from me?

Other things you might not want to blurt out include:

1) I too was going to be a Cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

2) Cool... the Cop yesterday gave me only a warning too

3) Can you speak up, this is my favourite song

4) Just remember who actually pays your salary

or one of the best,

5) You aint going to look in my boot are you?

[Oceandonkey]

Lol at those police ones hehe

I ran up the arse of a car yesterday and this midget jumps out and says well im not happy and i said which one are ya then.

[Mick]

I called my local pizza shop and ordered a \"Thin and Crusty Supreme\"

They sent me....

Diana Ross:blink:

[Mick]

[img size=150]http://images.eonline.com/eol_images/Profiles/20061005/244.ross.diana.100406.jpg

:blink: :pinch: :sick:

[chubbstar]

A police officer pulls over a BMW for speeding 20ks over the limit.

The driver a well dressed business man becomes very irate, screaming abuse at the officer, and making threats.

The officer writes FA on the corner of the ticket and passes it through the window to the driver.

The driver asks the officer what FA stands for, with wich the officer leans in and says \"F**king A***hole\".

In court the officer is on the stand when the business mans lawyer asks, \"Why did you put FA on the corner of the ticket, What does this stand for?\"

The officer states \" Foul mouthed and abusive\" Quik as a flash with his chest pumped out the lawyer shouts \" does it not stand for F**king A***hole\"?

The officer replys \" well sir you know you're client better than me\" :evil: :evil: :evil:

[Brian D]

:laugh: :laugh: :woohoo:

Thanks for the laughs guys, cheers.

[johnsonMAN]

A woman invites her black male friend over for dinner. After dinner she ties herself to the bed and screams, DO WHAT YOU BLACK MEN DO BEST...

...So the black man walks over picks up the TV and walks out.

Sorry if offended

[bootyinblue]

In tune with the steady decline of this thread...

Q) What do you do if a bird shits on the bonnet of your car?

A) Dont take her out again!

[johnsonMAN]

LOL BOOTY

[ellicat]

Solicitor: Tell the court what happened

Female Victim: Well I was walking down the street when he grabbed me from behind. He dragged me into an alley then ripped off my dress. Then he pulled down my panties. Then he bent me over a garbage can. Then... I ..I...I can't remember what happened next.

Judge: Make something up! Make something up!

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[ellicat]

Man walks into bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

He says \"This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache\"

His wife says \"I'll think you'll find that's a sheep\"

He says \"I wasn't talking to you!\" :whistle:

[Brian D]

I can't decide if this is Terry H, Jordan or myself. [img size=313]http://www.australianfishing.com.au/media/kunena/attachments/legacy/images/DECKIE.JPG

[ellicat]

Judging by the size of the bait in the bucket it'd be Terry. Looks like Lozzel talking to Brian in the background:P

[Feral]

Yep - Terry for sure!

[Gazza]

A man comes home and is greeted by his wife,she's all dressed up hair doo and in a negleche she asks her husband what he notices different ?

he promptly says you dont have a bra on She gasps and asks how can you tell?

he replies All the wrinkles on your face have gone

[Brian D]

Haaaaahahaha Gazza but I'm not speaking out loud.